How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
