we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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