I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Houston, we have a blender
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
