Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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