i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
