I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
