Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
