big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
