She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
