wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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