So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
