proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
