I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
