I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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