Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she looked like the before picture.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize