after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drake has all the answers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
