I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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