you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
