we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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