So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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