dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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