She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
