omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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