watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
