Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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