hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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