He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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