this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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