So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't deserve a penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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