i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
