I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
