how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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