Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
