I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's like iHOP with fire
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't notice because vodka
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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