i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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