so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
