But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
