If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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