I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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