Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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