I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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