do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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