Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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