how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
