i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
