I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize