we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
