That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
