happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Randomize
