GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
