found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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