Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
