he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm both gender and math confused
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
