EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You are a genius and a whore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
