I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
