I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
