My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
