We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
