Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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