So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
