i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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