Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Enjoy the penises
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
