it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
