I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Found the puke drawer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
