At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
