I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
